Okay, here's where I start using this forum (that I'm paying for, after all) to speak out and express myself on the "issues of the day." First one: Gay marriage. Today's headline: "Gay marriage foes baffled at lack of public outcry" Dave's comments: "uh... duh!" Gay marriage foes are simply baffled. Period. Much of the time. Don't you people ("Gay marriage foes," above) have anything better to do?? What the hell does it really matter to you? News article: "President Bush said today he supported a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, declaring that such a measure was the only way to protect the status of marriage between man and woman, which he called 'the most fundamental institution of civilization.'" (David Stout, NY Times, 2/24/2004, "Bush Backs Ban in Constitution on Gay Marriage") Can someone tell me what it means to "protect the status of marriage?" Like it's in danger of being destroyed or something? Or... tomorrow my wife and I might wake up and look at each other and say, "Oh my God! We can't stay married! Evil homosexuals are soiling the very institution of marriage by entering into it. So we must divorce, lest we feel cheapened and dirty." Look, if you're going to marry someone, then marry them. Do the ceremony. Make the commitment (see my quotations on commitment). Get all the rights and priviledges of the institution, and be seen by society as a union of two people. It's a Good Thing. What does all that have to do with the genders of other people getting married??? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Being the consumate arguer, the quintissential Devil's Advocate, I'd love to hear from someone certifiably non-bigoted and non-homophobic give a good argument against gay marriage! The only one I have, and it is lame, I'll be the first to admit, is that "society isn't ready for it yet." Frankly, all those great people who call themselves "the Gay Community" have, through their breathtaking guts, indominable spirit, and sheer outrageous authenticity, proven that argument utterly without merit. The soaring numbers of heteros who are becoming more and more accepting of them within just a few short years attest to that. Mr. Bush, et al.: shove your constitutional amendment. And stand aside: the tide of history is washing you away as we speak.
Another Ode to Beer:When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar... and the beer. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
The Buffalo Theory In one episode of "Cheers," Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm. We've never heard the concept explained any better than this:"Well, you see, Norm, it's like this: a herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. "In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells, but, naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
From peeves to pet projects... I want to create a fun telephone menu on my home phone, and I'm searching for good options. You know, telephone menus... those automated recorded services that say: "Thanks for calling the Becker's residence. Press 1 for ... Press 2 for ..., eksetera, eksetera." Here are a few that I have so far:
- To press '3', press '1'.
- To be disconnected, press '2'.
- To go into an infinite phone menu loop, press '3'.
- Press '4'... NOW!
- To listen to other irrelevant recordings, press '8'.
- To exercise your index finger, press '9', over and over.
- Press '6' if you have a rotary phone.
- To enter some lame-ass excuse, press '7'.
- To listen to a fast-busy signal, press '8'.
- To push even more buttons, press '0'.
Can you think of others? And do you know what machine I can buy (cheap) to give me a home-version phone menu to play with? Lemme know!
Gads... almost a month, and I've found nothing really compelling to write. Figures. Well... I have a few things I'll be posting here just to keep it ... well... from being a complete embarrassment. Here's the first: You know how some things just seem to get under your skin and irritate you like fingernails on a chalkboard? Some folks, including myself, call them "Pet Peeves." Your favorite peeves... the best ones. Well, here's one of mine: It's called "Decimation of the English Language." You know, people pronouncing words just plain, flat WRONG, without even understanding that they're doing it. Here is my list of the most common: REEL-a-ter (realtor) AX, AXED, AX-ing (ask, asked, asking) NU-kyew-ler (nuclear) EK-se-te-ra (etcetera) MESS-an-jing (messaging) So... "... and so I axed the reelater about all that nukyewler waste, the Microsoft messanjing programs, reelaters axing questions, eksetera..." gads!
Ha! Blogging... now I've finally started. It's been a long time of thinking about it, wanting to do it on my website, and wondering what I'd actually write on it. Note that while I'm now using blogger(TM), my intention is to eventually write my own scripts & mechanisms to blog myself. I have that self-reliance streak in me. We'll see, though. "The best laid plans..."
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